How to describe my mood now?

How to express my feeling now?

feel weird.

feel shit.

feel...

don't know.

i just can't find a word to describe my mood now.

nobody and nothing make me like that.

even myself,

i can't a reason also.

this moment,

i hate to be myself.

S.H.I.T is the mood.

最近我说的话都很禅...

我想，

这世界上本来就没有所谓的公平与不公平。

所谓追求的公平也不过是追寻着一个不存在的东西。

有些东西本来就不该有问题。

有些东西本来就没有答案。

苦苦问着为什么也只是白问。

但我明白人就是这么犯贱的东西。

答案本来就心知肚明却还要一而再，再而三的问为什么。

其实他只是想听到别人符合他心里的答案再而肯定自己。

要不，他只不过想让自己死得瞑目而已。

别说我不知道。

我什么都知道。

只是看我说不说而已。

也或许说该看你在我的心目中地位是多少，

才足以令我为你掏心掏肺。

更或许说，

我是斤斤计较的。

我是自私的。

你给我八两就别奢望我会给你十两。

我是一面镜子也是秤。

有些话，我说了就不会再说。

硬是要钻牛角尖，

我帮不了你。

只会冷眼相看再鄙视你。

我总是相信，

再久的热情总会冷却。

得到与失去都很容易，

但要留住却很难。

总归一句话：倒胃口

就没什么。

就突然觉得想做男人。

就没什么。

就突然觉得原来我累了。

就没什么。

就突然觉得原来我越来越不正常。

她叫我好好保重自己，照顾自己。

也只能这样了。

不然还能怎样？

有些东西还是只能往肚子里吞。

妳喜歡的會有幾個？

我的眼睛叫做迷惑　

我的心情叫做失落
我的願望叫做解脫　

我的眼淚叫做訴說
按捺不住叫做脆弱　

吶喊很久叫做沈默
承受不了叫做寂寞　

我的現在不知所措

妳喜歡的會有幾個　

是一個兩個還是很多很多
妳喜歡的會有幾個　

是兩個三個還是更多更多
妳喜歡的會有幾個　

是一個兩個還是很多很多
妳喜歡的會有幾個　

妳喜歡的很多很多　

有沒有我

我是幸福的

就是不懂为什么。

觉得自己很贪心。

总觉得不够，不够，不够。。。

就是不懂为什么。

觉得时间过得很慢。

总是看看日历数数日子过了多少。。。

就是不懂为什。

觉得时间过得很快。

总是看看日历原来才过了几天。。。

Hurley问我:

"是你习惯了挑战了吗?"

我想也许是吧。

当我不停的咬紧牙关向前冲时，

突然有人告诉我，

“是时候休息一下了。”

就会突然觉得自己好空虚。

原本没想过说这一些，

今天是开心的。

但不懂为什么Hurley跑出来和我说了一些后，

觉得变得蓝蓝的。

我的心里住着一个恶魔。

它叫做贪心。

我很想问贪心，

你什么时候满足？

夜深人静，

我总是在这个时候有很多想法。

秘密在这样的夜里藏不住。

黑色的夜晚，

谁又会看得见我的秘密?

I am out of RULES and FORMULAS.

life is processing with rules and formula,

even you keep run away from that,

but at the end you still need to face it.

This is the truth.

Cruel but true.

You can hide it,

you can deny it but you never can escape from that.

I don't really like to tell people what i like or what i don't like.

cos my mood always keep changing.

i just don't want fix myself.

i hate to hear people say such stupid words like flower heart or this and that,

when they said my answer keep changing.

For an example,

i like Sammi Cheng last time didn't mean i still like her also.

But also didn't mean i boycott her or what.

just mood and feel change already only.

As simple as that.

why need think so much?

I can kiss you suddenly on the road.

i won't care place or time,

or isn't there have a lot of people watching.

I kiss cos i want to.

I hug cos i like.

All just depend on my mood and my feel.

If i like you, i can be what i want and what you want.

I can crazy as that.

But if i don't like you,

don't ever wish i will show you friendly.

or maybe i will too.

but just fake.

If you smart enough then you will know that I DON'T LIKE YOU.

If not, then just god bless you to wake up from dream early.

I can be whatever i want.

I don't know what will be in the future.

But i just don't want to care so much.

Just i do what i want now.

Just to remember,

Everything can be change.

Nothing is impossible.

I just don't wanna to be fix.

I am out of RULES and FORMULAS.

Let it go?

Am i carry too much?

I have decided to let go.
All people agree with that.
That will be the greatest result to me...
They said so.

But why i feel weird?

Am i already get used with that?
I afraid the answer will be yes...
I should control it...
I should and i must...
I dont want to make it mess again anymore.

When there already have no one care about it,
why i still hold it so tight?

Let it go...please...